This South African lady got married at 17yrs and has been married for 13yrs.
She took to twitter to share the lessons she has learnt from over a decade of marriage.
“I was married at 17 yrs old and have been married for 13 yrs, I am 30yrs old with 3 kids
A “survival” thread for young wives (and lessons I have learnt)…
Start a trust with H, put everything you own in the trust. It must be divorce, death and individuals incapacitated proof. Start your empire early. The sooner you experience the knocks the quicker you will recover.
Children are very very very expensive both financially and emotionally, think about it carefully. Don’t assume anything with your partner. Communicate everything even about his mother. Be honest.You will already be short changed. Get used to it now. You won’t win.
He will hurt you, really really damage you. No one will ever understand and sometimes you don’t either. I don’t know what else to tell you but the fact that it hurts. Just find a healthy way to deal with it.
Twitter/social media is a fantasy. It’s not real life. Don’t make decisions or change who you are to be appealing to social media. Social media is a loners paradise, you have a life, a husband and family, focus on that.
Communicate your ambitions from the very beginning. Don’t give an impression to a man that you are ok with what he can provide kanti wena you want more.
Friends are not your measuring stick to your success. Don’t compare your marriage. Some people compromise and sacrifice too much to be where they are. Just stick to the family vision and forget the noise.
Your husbands’ friends are not your friends. When they call you iVrou, know that you are being taken for a poses. Your husband is your friend. You have people you kee kee with but they are not your friends.
Pillow talk and gossip are essential on a daily basis. This is how you will be able to really analyze his mind, his associates and advise him strategically.
Everything you were told when the antis held you in a room before your wedding, is true. The 10yr mark is the hardest and where you experience most of the horrors of marriage. Stay strong, understand why you are there.
Depression is real, don’t be silent. Go to a therapist. Encourage H to go to couples therapy before 💩 hits the fan. Educate yourself. Make some cash on the side with a small business or whatever, just don’t get used to being handed things. Men keep scores, they won’t remember what you did but will definitely remember what you didn’t do and what he did.
Never talk about your marriage to friends. Just don’t. Don’t take out your anger and frustration in the kids. They don’t now what is going on and they will make you account for it when they are older.
*out on the kids…*
If your mom is still married to your dad or until his death listen to her. She will save you years of heartache. And she has endured more than you can ever imagine, appreciate her, love on her but don’t let her be the sounding board of your marriage.
Stay in tune with the rhythm of your relationship. Don’t suddenly dance to gqom kanti y’all have been cruising to RnB all along. I am sure there are many more advises and lessons learnt but I am still young and new to being married, I have still got so much to learn and unlearn.
One more thing… be quick to forgive. Grudges will only set you back and yena just prosper.
Respect your in laws they are not your friends no matter how close y’all are. If you are selfish, don’t bother with marriage. KaMarriage you eat your pride with fork and knife, even when you are right mntase 🤷🏾♀️”